Is it Anxiety or Intuition?
Photo by Victoria Shelka
You’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months.
You’re both genuinely into each other and things feel exciting.
And then… something shifts.
Maybe their texts seem a little shorter.
Their tone feels different.
They don’t seem quite as interested as they were before.
Suddenly, there’s a tightness in your chest or a pit in your stomach —
and you can’t tell what it means.
Is this your intuition warning you that something isn’t right?
Or is it anxiety trying to sabotage what could actually be a good thing?
This shit is confusing.
Anxiety and intuition can feel remarkably similar, especially when you really want something to work out.
That’s why I created this series: to help you understand how anxiety and intuition show up in your body & mind, so you can behave in ways that are actually self-honoring instead of reactive.
The Myth: Anxiety is Loud & Intuition is Quiet
It gets tossed around a lot, this misconception that:
Anxiety is loud, intuition is quiet.
Sometimes that’s the case — but it’s not a reliable rule.
Both anxiety and intuition can be subtle, lingering in the background, easy to ignore or override.
They can also both be intense and disruptive, flaring up in ways that demand your attention.
So intensity alone isn’t the giveaway.
The difference between anxiety and intuition isn’t the feeling itself — it’s the state you’re in when the feeling arises.
Instead of asking, “Is this anxiety or intuition?” try asking:
What state am I in right now while this feeling is showing up?
Intuition Arises When You're In
- Future fretting
- Past rumination
- A sense of urgency or pressure
- A need to force certainty when there isn’t any yet
Anxiety has an efforting quality to it. It wants answers now.
It craves reassurance. It demands control.
Intuition Arises When You're In
- Presence
- Neutrality
- Grounded awareness
- Less attachment to outcomes
Intuition doesn’t rush you. Nor does it demand immediate action.
It offers information, not necessarily instructions.
How Anxiety Shows Up
Anxiety is fueled by fear, interpretation, and projection.
It often pushes you into:
- Overperforming
- Chasing or people-pleasing
- Contorting yourself to keep connection
- Or swinging the other way into shutdown or avoidance
When anxiety is running the show, your nervous system moves out of the present moment and into control mode.
You might find yourself hyper-focused on:
- A delayed text
- A pause where there wasn’t one before
- A subtle change in tone
And suddenly your mind fills in the gaps with stories:
- “Something must be wrong with me.”
- “They’re losing interest.”
- “They must be talking to someone else.”
Anxiety also tends to catastrophize.
A single thought like “He doesn’t want me” can spiral quickly into “I’ll never meet anyone” or “I’m going to be alone forever.”
That pressure often leads to impulsive actions — reaching out for reassurance, checking their social media, or needing immediate confirmation that everything is still “okay.”
And no shame in any of this: we’re just noticing these behaviors, not calling them ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. They’re simply clues that tell you what state you’re in.
A simple check-in :
Am I here right now — or am I five steps ahead?
How Intuition Feels Different
Intuition works very differently.
Rather than pushing you to react, intuition gently nudges you to gather more information. It relies on what’s observable — patterns over time, not isolated moments.
There’s usually:
- No compulsion to force answers
- No urgency to make someone else responsible for your emotional regulation
- No need to immediately resolve uncertainty
Intuition often feels like a firm, steady, grounded pull.
In its clearest moments, it can feel like truth quietly unfolding.
But contrary to popular belief, intuition doesn’t always bring relief.
You're Not Always Prepared for Intuition's Knock
Years ago, I was in a long, on-again off-again relationship with someone who treated me well in some ways — but whose life was a chaotic mess.
So I’d take it upon myself to swoop in and save him. Over and over and over. Exhausting.
One day, I was enjoying a day on the James River with friends, content and present. And out of nowhere, a thought arose:
“It’s over. You’ve done hard things before. You can do this.”
It was clear. Resolute. Steady.
That was my MF intuition.
Did I know how I was going to end the relationship?
No.
Intuition gave me clarity — not a step-by-step plan.
And that’s important to understand. If we get lost in the “how,” the “why,” or what this means about us, we can turn even intuitive information into anxiety.
You can recognize truth and feel terrified about what it asks of you.
The Takeaway
Here’s the takeaway I want you to leave with:
When strong signals arise, you don’t need to ask,
“Is this anxiety or intuition?”
Ask instead:
What state am I in right now?
- Presence brings information
- Past and future dwelling bring stories and stuckness
And if intuition feels distant or unreliable right now, that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It often means your nervous system hasn’t felt safe enough to access it consistently yet.
In the next post, we’ll talk about why intuition gets muddled and why it’s not as simple as “just trusting your gut” — especially if you’ve been hurt before.
Ready for the Next Step?
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* A quick note: Coming from my own lived experiences & the clients I most often work with, you’ll often hear me use heteronormative pronouns. That said, my coaching & content are meant to be inclusive & supportive of people of all gender identities & orientations.
No matter how you identify, you are welcome here.
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