Photo Cred: Toa Heftiba via unsplash
When You're Done Putting Up w/ BS
Are you tired of over-giving, feeling unseen, or rearranging your life for someone else’s convenience?
Shit sucks.
Many of the women I work with struggle to
A) Understand what effective boundaries are; and
B) Believe that they don’t have the right/ ability to set or maintain them – especially in the early stages of dating when that desperation to build closeness can be so overpowering.
Contrary to popular core beliefs, boundaries are not about control or manipulation— and having them certainly doesn’t suggest that you’re difficult or picky.
They’re about honoring your soul, protecting your peace, and creating space for honest, reciprocal, joyful connections.
Let’s dive into three powerful boundaries that you’ll want to embody in relationships, to create clarity and respect from the jump.
1. Stop Being 'The Nice Girl'
We’ve all been encouraged:
“Be nice.”
It’s a (mostly well-intentioned) strategy instilled into most of us from a young age (especially girls), but it’s time to let it go.
Being overly nice—agreeable, accommodating, and self-sacrificing—might feel like the way to win someone over, but in reality, it’s doing you more harm than good.
When you prioritize others’ needs, emotions, and preferences at the expense of your own, you’re doing yourself a disservice, and demonstrating to the world that you aren’t that important, that people can treat you any which way and you’ll not only take it, but you’ll keep coming back for more.
Instead of defaulting to niceness out of habit or fear, choose kindness.
Kindness is intentional, it requires a level of strength and awareness. It allows you to direct your compassion outwardly as well as inwardly, empowering you with the entitlement to (respectfully) express your likes, needs, and desires openly, without fear of rejection.
Kindness is about building a connection based on honesty and dignity, not submission or insecurity.
The next time you feel tempted to overextend yourself, roll over, put up with mistreatment, remember: agreeableness doesn’t equal attraction.
Speak up, share your truth, and let them see the real you.
Mindful Reflection: What price have you paid for prioritizing niceness over honesty?
2: You're Done w/ 'One - Way Streets'
Have you ever dated someone where it felt like you were a sounding board to their monologue instead of a contributor to balanced conversations?
You politely nod along, listening as they unload their life story, only to realize they haven’t asked a single question about you, and you aren’t sure where their interest or intentions lie.
If these types of one-ways or dead-ends are all-too familiar, it’s time to change course.
Satisfying connection is a two-way street.
If someone dominates the conversation without showing interest in you, it’s okay to interrupt and redirect.
Try saying something along the lines of, “I’d love for us to have more balanced conversations so we can both get to know each other.”
Watch their response—it will tell you everything you need to know about their emotional maturity and willingness to connect.
Remember, you’re not here to be someone’s unpaid therapist or emotional dumping ground. Prioritize interactions where your voice is valued and heard.
Mindful Reflection:
What beliefs or patterns have kept you stuck in one-sided dynamics?
3. Protect Your Sacred Time
Your time is precious, and it’s imperative that you treat it as such.
If you find yourself rearranging or opening up your schedule to wait on someone who only shows up when it’s convenient for them, then you’re flushing precious moments of this life into the shitter.
Saying yes to their every whim isn’t going with the flow—it’s a threat to your worth & dignity.
Instead, fill your life with activities, hobbies, and connections that bring you joy.
Treat your time as sacred, and don’t apologize for protecting it.
When you embody an enriched life, you radiate wholeness and vivaciousness.
This sends a powerful message, that anyone who wants to be part of your full-ass world must show up with intention and reciprocity.
Get comfortable with saying no without overexplaining or justifying.
Because the moment you start trying to manage their reaction to your boundary, you’re back in the quicksand.
Stand firm in your decision to honor yourself first.
Because it’s your lifelong duty, as well as celebration, to your highest & brightest self.
Mindful Reflection:
Where have you made space for someone at the cost of your own needs?
How can you fill that gap meaningfully?
A Path to Freedom
Setting boundaries isn’t about gum-flapping and empty threats —it’s about connecting through honesty, from a place of integrity.
Boundaries are a way to honor your inner child, who may not have always had a voice, and to choose connection over obligation.
As you reflect on these three dating boundaries, ask yourself:
– What boundaries have been most effective for you?
– Which ones will you start implementing today?
Share your insights in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!
If this resonates with you and you’d like to dive deeper into creating emotionally mature relationships, check out my coaching programs or explore more content.
Remember, you are enough as you are, and you deserve connections that make your soul sing.
Jasmine Rodarte (she / her)
BS, ACC, RYT-200, CPSW
